18-Inch Victory
by Davian Wolfe
Summary: Harry Potter disappeared after the Goblet spit his name out. Now he's back, with help and an old dog. OneShot Pure Parody. This is a madcap idea I mulled in my mind. Harry really likes the Navy.


**18-****InchVictory**

Harry Potter was not nervous. In fact, he was whistling happily which was quite off-putting to the other people in the tent. Why? Well, when one's name comes out of the Goblet of Fire many would be pale, sweaty and ready to collapse. And those were the of-age champions, so one could only imagine what Harry Potter, 14 year old and unwilling Fourth Champion of the Triwizard Tournament was going through. Before today, none had seen Mr. Potter since that night when he'd stormed out of the Great Hall upon hearing his name called from the Goblet, whispers following him out. Naturally, seeing this level of relaxation had the other champions on edge.

Ludo Bagman had scarpered upon hearing the jaunty off-tune whistle, citing vocal warm-ups and some unfinished business; the rest of the judging panel had quickly given up trying to speak over the whistle, scattering miniature dragons to each of the contestants leaving in a huff when they couldn't get the boy to shut up, Crouch stayed behind long enough to explain they needed to go in the order on their dragons at the sound of the cannon. Once gone, Harry opened his eyes, sparkling emeralds looking upon the other three champions who were either also having their own inner freakout at the task or staring at him with mild confusion,

"Vhere haff you been Potter?" Asked Krum, the bulgarian seeming to be the only one also not overly worried about taking on a dragon, but that was Durmstrang for you. Harry focused on Viktor, a small smile playing on his lips, "Oh, you know. Here and there, there and here. Polishing some real big ones." He replied, seeing confusion turn to a small roll of his fellow champions eyes at Harry's immaturity and naivety.

"Very vell, keep your secrets Potter. Not that it'll help"

Turning away, Viktor was out first on the cannon blast, then Fleur, then finally Cedric. He offered Harry what was probably meant to be an encouraging smile but ended up more as a painful grimace. A few more minutes came and went, Harry not moving until the fourth cannon blast. Standing up, he shook out each leg, then strode forward past the tent flaps into the sun, blinking at the bright light ahead of him. As his vision cleared, Harry could make out a great big wooden stand with all the students and teachers on it. Rows upon rows of Beauxbatons, Durmstrang and Hogwarts students. Towards the right hand side was the adult section for those who bought the publically available tickets and right at the end, on a perpendicular axis to Harry sat Dumbledore and the Judging Panel. Touching his fingers to his head and giving a small cheeky bow to the judges he reached into the small bag he'd carried in with him. Rummaging around, he picked up the antenna of something and began pulling it out. Soon a fist-sized walkie talkie was in his hand. As he raised his head, an angry screech split the air and out of a side entrance came the biggest, blood thirstiest Hungarian Horntail Harry had ever seen in his life.

The crowd hushed and some could see frantic betting happening between both students and adults on the likelihood of the boy winning. Fortunately for Harry, at the moment the Horntail was held by what looked to be a magically enhanced iron chain which was sunk into the floor. Good, this gave him time. "This is Scar to Anubis, come in Anubis" Harry's voice carried, due to the low level sonorus charm the stadium had so the watchers could hear everything the contestants did, and so the judges could decide on points whether the contestant had properly been strategizing or not. A scratchy voice answered, "Harry, not even your father used stupid codes names like that." Those closest to the floor saw the confidence drain from Harry's face to be replaced with a frown as his shoulders sagged and he turned as if to keep the conversation private, oblivious that his own charm made it impossible.

"Sorry, **Padfoot**, wouldn't want to embarass **Prongs** would I?" Snarked Harry in reply, the audience now looking amongst themselves if they should be listening in on this.

"You make a fine counter argument. Is it where we thought it would be?"

"Thats right. I want a full salvo from the Yamato." The order was heard but the audience were baffled by it, not least by the way Harry said it so casually not unlike one would order a takeaway. Yamato? Full salvo? The Audience began to talk amongst themselves. Some muggleborns interjected into the conversation their own theories as they waited. Suddenly, a short _thoom thoom thoom _sound was heard in the distance followed by a whistling noise. Everyone looked up even the dragon, who had stopped trying to menace the child in front of her seeing him make no move towards her eggs. She had her head cocked to one side as if to discern where the noise was coming from before her raptor-like bird eyes saw the shiny silver hurtling towards the ground and they went wide with fear.

"Harry?"  
"Yeah Padfoot?"  
"Splash"

And the world for everyone went white and red as a rapturous explosion rocked the stadium. Wizards went diving for cover as it felt the world was going to end, the ground shook and the dragon roared in pain and surprise. Families huddled together under their own smaller shields, older wizards were stuck frozen at the sight they'd only seen before during the dark periods of time. Dumbledore himself was pale, eyes wide and his mouth gaping as his mind ran through the memories of such devastating weaponry. Wards glowed white hot against the storm of heat and light, audible cracking noises were heard from some of the more shoddily put together safety wards.

Then… stillness. A smoking crater 3 Meters across and half a meter wide was inside the zone. Harry Potter was uninjured, and in fact seemed to be whistling the same tune from earlier as he approached where what could only be described as mush, reformed into the shape of what someone who'd never heard of dragons but knew what a reptile was. Going around the mushed and scorched earth, he grabbed the egg and began walking away.

He'd made it halfway, when his attention was caught by yelling, "Mr. Potter. Mr. Potter. HARRY!" The aged voice of Dumbledore broke through his own musings and he turned to the judging table where they were all sat in various forms of shock. "Harry, why… what…?" Harry raised an amused eyebrow, "Yes Headmaster? What can I do for you?" He watched as Albus Dumbledore visibly pulled himself together, "What exactly did you do? We can't award you points if we don't know what you did?" Harry made an 'oh' face of realisation before nodding,

"Well, you see this is me… participating with my knowledge that I have. You see, I may not be magically trained to the degree the other champions are, but I do have a lot of knowledge hoarded from my time with my relatives. See, a short hop, skip and jump to a train station would take me to Portsmouth and so sometimes when i'd run away i'd go on a little trip or two. Learnt a lot about the Navy there. Including the place where abandoned and destroyed shipcraft were. Like say, The Imperial Japanese Navy's Yamato." He let this sink in as the horror in Dumbledore's face rose, "Of course, I had to check the law on this just to be safe and hey, by the laws set down I can legally enchant and upkeep those two ships as my own as the original owners don't want them anymore. But if you want an answer that isn't a storytime i'll just say… Shock and Awe. Good day Headmaster."

Harry turned on his heel, walked straight past the rather cooked smelling dragon and exited the stadium to deep silence.


End file.
